Sweet Old Tooth

As I get older, I am slowly discovering signs of aging that are not necessarily all visible. Yes, I know that being 29 does not mean that I'm extremely old. But, the truth of the matter is that we are all aging and it's just plain inevitable. I hate to break to all you readers out there. I suggest we just accept it and move on. Another thing we must accept is that we can't do the things we used to and we can't eat the things we used to either. I took one bite out of this ooey, gooey, chocolatey, sugary mess, and my teeth....well...they sure felt it. Yes, there are cranberries in these layer bars, but don't let the fruit fool you! That shooting sugar pain went straight through my tooth, right to the root. I've heard that our teeth get more sensitive to sweet stuff as we get older. Buuutt, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I now have a perfectly good excuse for not wanting to eat unhealthy desserts....

Person offering me something sweet to eat: "Hey Mandi, would you like to try some of my intensely, sugary, and fattening (fill in the blank)?"

My "pity me" response: "Oh, darnit. You know I'd love to, but the last time I did that, my tooth just about fell out! It's what happens to people like me. You know, old farts."

Person now feeling guilty for offering me the sweet (fill in the blank): "Oh my! I'm so sorry! It must be really hard getting old."


If you've read this blog enough, you'll know I'm exaggerating here. Well, sort of. Come on, a woman has to work hard to keep a good figure. What's wrong with a little woe-is-me tale about old age and bad teeth?

Now, I will admit that after the initial shock to my aging teeth wore off, my mouth got used to the sweetness, and of course I ended up eating a whole piece. It was definitely a gooey chunk of sugary goodness!!

"Ooey Gooey Everything Chewy"

Like any family, mine has its quirks. At the risk of embarrassing myself (and other family members), I'll abstain from including a list of everyone's unusual traits. But, I will say that my dad and I have a unique tendency to turn things into songs and rhymes. My dad sometimes does this with bits of conversation that include song lyrics. Perhaps, for example, if you were to mention the rainy days that the weathermen were forecasting, he might start to hum or sing, "Rainy days and Mondays always get me down." Similarly, I put normal day-to-day bits of information to music. Now, I can't say that this was necessarily a pre-mom habit, but I do it all the time now with my 14-month-old. (I almost fear that the child will grow up thinking he lives in a musical, believing that all families sing about what they are eating for dinner or what clothes they will be wearing that day. On the up-side, at least he'll have an appreciation for musical theatre at a young age!) Rhyming pretty much goes hand-in-hand with this musical quirk, so it wasn't surprising that my dad came up with a more clever name for this week's dessert creation. As I served my family the "Gooey Layered Everything Bars," (a somewhat cumbersome, yet descriptive name) my dad began calling them by several different variations of the title. It became rather comical, but in the end, it was "Ooey Gooey Everything Chewy" that I liked best. The rhyming aspect of the new name took away the clumsiness of the old one, made it a whole lot more fun, and gave it perfect potential to be inserted into a song of some sort! So, for me, these sweet treats will forever be known as Ooey Gooey Everything Chewy Bars.

Besides having a new, charming, little name, these bars are also delicious...regardless of what you call them. Be forewarned, however, they are sweet! Just a little square of Ooey Gooey will satisfy the sweetest sweet tooth, and they are best accompanied by a tall, cold glass of milk (or a steaming mug of coffee, for those who are so inclined). They are also handy...a good last-minute dessert, as most of the ingredients are pantry staples or things you probably have in your refrigerator. Non-coconut-lovers, however, may be out of luck. These are heavy on the coconut, which I personally find delightful (and even my coconut-indifferent husband finds enjoyable). But, if disliking coconut (or walnuts or dried cranberries or...gasp...chocolate) is one of your quirks, simply mosey your way on over to one of the other delightful recipes located (quite conveniently) on the left-hand side of this blog. The Ooey Gooey Everything Chewy won't hold it against you. They know that we're all prone to our own little quirks.

The Recipe: Gooey Layered Everything Bars

from Everyday Food magazine

nonstick cooking spray
3/4 cup (1 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/2 cup confectioners' sugar
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour (spooned and leveled)
1/2 teaspoon coarse salt
3/4 cup rolled oats (not quick-cooking)
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips (6 oz.)
1 cup walnut pieces, toasted
1/2 cup raisins (or dried cherries or dried cranberries)
1 can (14 oz.) condensed milk
2 cups sweetened shredded coconut (7 oz.)

Preheat oven to 375 degrees. Line a 9-by-13-inch baking dish with parchment paper, leaving overhang on the short sides; lightly coat paper with cooking spray. In a food processor, pulse together butter, confectioners' sugar, flour, and salt until mixture resembles coarse meal. Add oats and pulse until just combined. Press dough evenly into bottom of dish and bake until lightly browned and firm, about 20 minutes.

Scatter chocolate chips, walnuts, and raisins on top of crust. Drizzle with condensed milk and top with coconut. Bake until coconut is golden, about 20 minutes. Let cool completely in dish on a wire rack before cutting into 18 squares. Store in an airtight container at room temperature, up to 3 days.)